I know I'd blogged, and posted on my FB wall, that I was working on a new domain page for my blog. I confess. I don't know enough about html, building sites, etc. and I was really struggling. It was also taking a lot of my time, I wasn't able to blog like I wanted, and I simply couldn't figure out how to do certain things... I pretty much abandoned my blog. I was so excited about the new page, but the excitement quickly turned to frustration.
I simply am not ready to try to manage my own page yet. Maybe some day, but I can see now that today is not that day. I'm disappointed, yes, but on the other hand, the simplicity and versatility of Blogger is just what I need. If I'm going to pour a lot of time into a project, that project will be my boys. I don't want to miss out on their lives being frustrated by a web page I can't seem to figure out. I don't want to pass that frustration on to them. And I despise the guilt I was carrying for not blogging on my new page. So. I'm forgiving myself. Canceling my really cool page and it's equally cool domain name. And focusing on making blogging fun again. I'm learning the freedom in the word "no".
Another recent disappointment has been a decision to cancel Gabriel's first birthday party. Chris is on vacation next week and we had so many things we wanted to do. We wanted the freedom to be flexible all week. There were other conflicts that added to the frustration of trying to plan a party. It is disappointing, but the joy of planning the party was gone. It had just become a big headache... Again, I am learning the freedom in the word "no". I'm sure the four of us will enjoy cake and ice cream, maybe even some pool time together. And who knows, with Chris off, we may do something completely out of the ordinary but very special!
Truth be told, there are other instances where I have said "no" recently. There are times I feel guilty and lazy for saying "no". On the other hand, I can look back and see where I was overwhelmed and on the verge of burn out from doing too much. There really is a freedom in saying "no". Now my next question is: can you say NO too much? Where do you find that balance? I want freedom and flexability, but if we all say "no" all the time, then nothing gets done. I'm praying God helps me find that balance. This passage of scripture comes to mind:
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-17, 22
King James Version (KJV)
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?
I'd love to hear from anyone else that's had to learn this lesson, or from anyone that has found the balance to saying "no".