Thinking back over the year, so much has happened. Dad's accident. Mom coping with being his full time caretaker. Adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom. Preschool for Elijah - who's grown four inches this past year. Watching Gabriel, who's grown six inches, change from infant to toddler. Praying with Chris about life changing decisions. And so many other wonderful memories. First steps, playing "baseball" in the front yard, walks around town, watching the birds feed on our front porch. God has blessed me so much more than I deserve.
I've been going through a transition within myself over the past few weeks. (just baring my heart here) I believe God has spoke to my heart regarding the condition of my soul. I go to church. I play the piano. I talk about God. That's good enough, right? Definitely not. I've known of several completely unexpected deaths recently. Young people going shopping and never returned. A mother who never woke up. A family murdered in their own home. So many lives affected by the death of one person. I have realized how I've just been talking the talk. I've not been walking the walk. Not truly. Not in the deep down corners of my soul. So many times I blame the pastor or the song leader or even my boys that I didn't receive anything from God in a church service. And then I realize: it's no one's fault but my own. If my soul had been in the right place, prayed up and expecting something from God, church would become a different place for me. I'm doing my best to make wrongs right. Trying to spend a lot more time in prayer for my pastor, the service, and just in checking my own attitude and life. I am at peace now. I didn't say I'm perfect, just peaceful in knowing that God is in control and He is alive and well in my soul. I'm so thankful for second (and third and fourth and fifth...) chances. God's mercy and grace is more than sufficient for me.
I don't normally make New Year's resolution. They kinda seem pointless to me. But this year I did something different. I have set New Year's goals. These are goals to help me be a better mom and wife. A goal is something attainable, that has a clean plan, and is written down to keep it in focus:
- I am committed to continue walking closer to God by reading my Bible and praying every day.
- I am committed to walking 1,000 miles this year by counting my daily steps and walking for my health.