Today I was thinking about how tired I am of just living day to day. I was once again, facing a fear that has been tormenting me for some time. It's a fear that has merit, but really is out of my control. I'm weary and tired of fighting this fear. Fear that something will happen to Elijah - that he'll die. I don't know how I'd handle it. I'm not sure why I've suddenly been plagued with this... It's always been in the back of my mind (I'm assuming this is a normal Mommy worry) but lately it's been way to constant and demanding.
(Don't get me wrong, I have a very blessed life. I'm happy - just horomonal right now due to that ever reappearing visit.) So as I was reflecting on life in general and this fear, I remembered a little vacation - or a little piece of heaven - I experienced about 15 months ago.
Yes, I'm referring to my hospital stay when Elijah was born.
It wasn't easy - being cut open and recovering. But it was bliss in other ways. For five whole days we didn't turn on the TV for news and didn't get online either. It was five whole days of meeting a beautiful baby boy. Complete focus on Elijah's care, my recovery, and Chris' sanity! Now that hospital room cannot compare to heaven. I'm NOT trying to say that.
What was like heaven about this? Well, for that five whole days - I forgot there was an election about to happen. I completely forgot about the condition of the economy. I didn't think about bills or money (well, maybe once or twice.) I remember coming home and someone mentioning Sarah Palin... it was like a lightning jolt back to reality. WHAT?? The world continued to spin? The election didn't go away? What about the economy? It was like all those 'important' things had been erased from my mind.
Somehow I think heaven will be like THAT. No bills. No elections. No horrific earthquakes. No sick babies. No living in fear that your baby will die. Nothing but pure bliss and WORSHIP! It will be complete focus on Him - the Eternal One. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be there.
So, for now I've decided to push this fear aside. There isn't a single thing I can do until it's Elijah's time to go. Actually, he is immortal until it is his time to go. If I have to face that day all to soon, I am confident God will give me the strength to survive.
In the meantime, I ask God's blessing on Elijah's life and that he may have long years upon this earth. I pray that he will grow to love the Lord with all his might, soul, and heart. I pray for his safety and God's perfect will in all he does. I pray for Elijah's salvation. And I know, anything I ask, in His name... will come to pass. What a promise.
"How beautiful heaven must be
Sweet home of the happy and free
Fair haven of rest for the weary
How beautiful heaven must be"